Posted by: Godfångst | February 7, 2009

Marriages I’d Like to Annul, Part One

adam-and-eve2I love rights. A girl can never have enough of them. I’ve decided to give myself the rights that California voters gave themselves on November 4. In celebration of that wonderful day, I’m going to annul a few marriages that offend and annoy ME, starting today, just like California voters annulled my impending marriage.

I admit that my marriage was actually nonexistent at the time of the vote and it wasn’t actually impending unless you count many years down the road at some point as “impending,” but really–I WAS gonna do it! At some point. In Sweden.

Spot #1 belongs to the quintessential hetero couple. This annulment would have two purposes. First, those annoying people would not be able to use the “argument” that goes like this: “Gay marriage should not be legalized because it’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”

That’s clever, people! But eliminating their marriage as arbitrarily as ours have been eliminated through the centuries would put a stop to that fallacious argument once and for all.

And anyone could see that they weren’t happy. The shame over nudity. The apple thing. Who wants to hang out in a garden all day? That’s for old people. It was never a love match, anyway…it’s not like they had a choice or anything. God is such a control freak. Never let God be your matchmaker. Oy vey! Look what happens!

The cultural and moral implications of my making Eve a single mom do not escape me. I feel an immense rush of adrenaline. I feel powerful! I feel…I feel….

Man! I feel like a Mormon!

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