Posted by: Godfångst | February 27, 2009

Topless Coffee Shop?

I like jugs.

So do residents of Maine. One cafe in Maine has received 150 applications from those who want to serve coffee topless.

The owner of Grand View Topless Coffee Shop ended up hiring 10 women and 5 men. One of the guys was kinda cute, I suppose, and I’m certainly no Puritan, but I don’t like the idea of a bare-chested man bringing me my hot chocolate. See the video FIRST, and then feel free to disagree with me. But I don’t think you will.

Vassalboro, Maine is a town of 4,500 people. And 15 of them are serving coffee without shirts on? Wow, that’s like, one-third of one percent. That’s the same percentage of people who own 4% of the nation’s wealth. It’s a very special, very cold elite class. The news story said that 200 people showed up on opening day. That’s a larger percentage of the whole town. Think about it–what if it becomes SO popular that it forces all the other coffee shops in town out of business?

The only way to get coffee would be to buy it from a person whose nipples are visible.

Locals already have a love/hate relationship with the cafe.

One waitress said, “Some people think this is a prostitution ring, which it’s not. We have no private rooms whatsoever.”

The owner (who looks like a real classy guy, by the way), says, “I’m here to make money.”

One patron drawled, “Doesn’t really matter what they’re doing, as long as people are working.”

Well said, good fellow. I’m going to start a cafe where your coffee comes with muriatic acid and a sharp slap in the face (verbal abuse costs extra). As long as people are working.

I also have some questions:

  • Do you think people will get bored with it? “Aww, Hank, the boob cafe again? Naw. Let’s just go to Starbucks.”
  • Will they keep the waitstaff even when they aren’t as presentable topless as they were when they were hired? And what if there are spills? My friend who worked at a cafe used to come home covered with coffee drips. I guess they’ll pass you the coffee EXTRA careful-like.
  • Do you think they will hire Elizabeth Hurley? I have submitted an application on her behalf. She is several years my senior and may need the retirement benefits.
  • hurley

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