Posted by: Godfångst | May 13, 2009

Finnish Girls and Berlusconi: Like Prosciutto and Juustoleipä

leipjuustoHowever glad we all are to be rid of Mr. Bush, not all disgusting, corrupt, arrogant world leaders are out of the picture quite yet. I’ll get to Kim Jong Il some other time, in an article about short, brutal dictators with bad hair (facial or head): Hitler, Kim I, Kim II, Mussolini, Stalin, Kaiser Wilhelm. Sorry, Pol Pot had great hair. But he was short and brutal.

This is a puff piece for a puffy guy, 72-year-old Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who makes Mr. Bush look like Dag Hammarskjöld. Berlusconi has been in the news lately because his wife wants to divorce him; it seems she was distressed about his philandering (or attempted philandering), including his latest attachment to teenage model Noemi Letizia, whose 18th birthday party he attended in April. He presented the girl with a gold necklace. Berlusconi’s soon-to-be-ex-wife, Veronica Lario, noted that he never attended his own children’s 18th birthday parties. To reassure the Italian press about this, Berlusconi said at an event last week in Rome’s City Hall that he “[likes] Finland and Finnish women, as long as they are of age.”

There’s more compelling evidence that Berlusconi prefers both mature women and Finns; in 2005, he offered to “court” Finnish President Tarja Halonen, pledging to use all his “skills as a playboy” to convince her to allow Parma, Italy to host the EU food safety agency. When his masculine wiles didn’t work, he whined, “Parma is synonymous with good cuisine. The Finns don’t even know what prosciutto is.” Later, when his Finnish hosts showed him the sights, he commented, “I remember when I was there they wanted to show me something at all costs… and we took three hours to get to an 18th-century wooden church, a building that we would have destroyed.”

berlusconiSmooth! Now that’s how to earn the goodwill of naisväki! Did they remind him, I wonder, that Finnish women had full political rights way back when the vast majority of Italian women were stuck ironing their 45-year-old sons’ underwear? Oh, they still are. I think it’s part of Italian law.

And then there are the comments he made in the aftermath of the L’Aquila earthquake in April; when touring a tent city full of those who had fled their homes during and after the quake, Il Duce Lite suggested that “they should see it like a weekend of camping.”

I concede that a few–or even hundreds–of gauche remarks does not a bad leader make. If this blog weren’t supposed to be fundamentally entertaining, I’d regale you with the many ways in which Berlusconi is helping to ruin Italy politically, socially, and economically. But he’d just write it off as a “left-wing plot,” which is what he says about everything.

After all, this is the guy who said, “I don’t need to go into office for the power. I have houses all over the world, stupendous boats, beautiful airplanes, a beautiful wife, a beautiful family. I am making a sacrifice.”

Well, you can count out the wife now. But watch this space! When he marries Noemi Letizia, you’ll see it first here.

If the United Kingdom can ban Fred Phelps and his detestable offspring from its shores, why can’t Finland ban Berlusconi?

Consider this a formal request. What do you say, suomalaiset?

(*photo, top: juustoleipä, a mozzarella-like Finnish snack cheese, served fried or warmed, usually with some kind of fruit preserve. Very nice. Not good with prosciutto, though.)


  1. Nice piece, but one slip, though it’s excusable in the circumstances. By all accounts, Silvio actually never set foot in any Finnish church, whether wooden, stone, or made of steel-reinforced juustoleipä, but instead suffered a senior moment and forgot that the church in question was in Iceland. The incident allegedly took place in 2002. The Finnish church that was originally in the frame has reluctantly cancelled its order for a blue plaque commemorating its brush with the great Engineer of the Apennines.

  2. Really? Wow! I had no idea!!!! I should list my sources. I got that in two different places, regular newspapers, and it was in 2005, I thought, in conjunction with the EU food incident.

    I’ll check on that! THANK YOU!

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